Tuesday, October 6, 2020


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"I have a universe inside me, where I can go and a spirit guides me. There I can ask oh any question, I get the answers if I listen…" Healing Room --Sinead O' Connor-

Every person has their own special, secret sanctuary. Every person needs one, or they'd just lose it. Life is always full of little surprises here and there. Always has some way to bamboozle you with all those twists and turns. Makes you feel like a bird flying high, high up in the air. Whether it's a new love, a old love, some money, a animal…then all of a sudden-BHAM- a gunshot fired, your life spinning out of control, you are spiraling down, plummeting toward the earth, only dreading the oncoming impact-not knowing what kind of pain is waiting for you. Every thing shatters like so much glass…whether your new or old love just broke your heart, you found out you're bankrupt, or that animal just bit you. You need a place to turn to. A place to find solace, and just relinquish your every-little-thing. Just give it up for a couple minutes. Hours. Days. There's no certainties in life-you're always guessing. And your one little 'peace of mind place', your little sanctuary, you know you can always count on that. You can go there in the dark of your mind, and everything's the same, its all for you, all waiting only on you. Your little fantasyland, a land where you have to be careful not to stay forever, only for the needed time…it can seem so real…then it's all gone.

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"Life unfolds on a great sheet called time, and once finished it is gone forever."

Chinese Adage-

"The angry man will defeat himself in battle as well in life."

Samurai Maxim-

Anger is one of the strongest emotions known to human kind. And the last thing you want is to keep it all bottled up like soda that is continuously being shaken until all these bubble just fizz and build … and pretty soon, you feel a explosion coming on any second. I've yet to clear my system of anger, it still seethes, running underneath my skin. It's a ongoing project you could say. Yoga helps. It makes my soul grow. I can feel it expanding…pushing, my mind and soul combined; germinating with in me- it enables me to experience beauty. But yoga to me pales in comparison to martial arts. Zen through yoga and Zen through Jujitsu, are in no way the same. Through pain can come a completely different level of pleasure-it opens a whole new world. People seem to live in denial about anger. Like they won't accept it as a true emotion. But it's as real as happiness, sadness, night and day. The problem is when we refuse to realize that. By learning to accept out anger we will learn to control it. The only way to live with a emotion, is to experience it and go through the pain…until the pain is no more. Then we can move on. I think everyone should 'zenify' themselves. We'll all be much happier. J

"Control your emotion, or it will control you."

Chinese Adage-

" It is easier to pull the trigger than it is to play the guitar, it is easier to destroy than it is to create."


I've always enjoyed just sitting back and watching, observing. Observe everything around me, just take it all in like a sopping wet sponge. By taking in everything around me, I take in all the emotions floating around in the air-absorb them into my skin-my pores…and then I let them travel right to my sacred bleeding heart. Often times, I find that I just care too much…this is why I feel so much pain. My heart winces every time I see a dead raccoon on the side of the road, a tree getting chopped down, or a child being reprimanded. Through my short years of watching humans and animals, emotions and reactions, I've learned so much. More than most people I believe learn in a lifetime. You only have to be open to it. I have come to know what to expect. Humans are the most fascinating to me. Why people do the things they do, what they're feeling when they're doing it, how the aftermath will affect them and so on. Many people have told me I am the definition of a misanthrope. I suppose in some aspects it is true…but in another light, it could not be farther from the truth. A hate love relationship. That seems to be the only type of relationship I know. The hate and disgust… I feel for humans as a whole…we're a general plague-a virus destroying and knocking down everything in its path. We have even come to the point where we are destroying each other. When we actually do commit to a creation and give birth to something new and wonderful-it never ceases to take my breath away. But a creation seems to be such a rarity…an oddity. The love I feel for some …is just so strong, so great, I feel like my heart will explode, I feel like I could take on all the hate and evil in the world…and I do. With very bit of love in me. I lose myself in love, but never in hate. I lose myself in creation, but never in destruction. I take such comfort in losing myself in another person. Pick through their beautiful brain like a doctor operating…so carefully, until finally…I find their sacred bleeding heart. And you know what I do then? I feed off it; just drink it up like nectar, until I forget everything but their very own thoughts, feelings, their raw primal emotions…so simple…but so strong…such a terrible simplicity.

"Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment."

Lao Tzu-

"Gently, my mind escapes, to the relaxing world of pleasure, a pleasure that will take my mind, off the reality of my life, my past life, life as I know it now."


The Incas were an amazing society. Their mathematical accomplishments, their cities that are now breathtaking ruins like Machu Picchu, Pisac, Tambomachay, Sascahuyman, or Ollantaytambo, and even their beliefs. They are also my ancestors. I am a lot of things, German, Irish, Cherokee, even Spanish gypsy. But I must admit, that I take the most pride in my Incan/Peruvian heritage. My father was born in the old Incan now Quechuan town of Ollantaytambo. A couple of years ago, my family and I visited the awe-inspiring country of Peru. I remember up in the high mountain at Machu Picchu and Huaynu Picchu, running my hands along their ruins, the walls my ancestors built-still as smooth as silk. This is where they lived, slept, ate, worked. I felt like I was at home. My whole world was moving at such a perfect place. Like all the planets lined up, just for me. This was what I believe pure happiness feels like. I knew my way around those ruins, I knew what each room was used for, where the sun dial was, even though I had never been there before, even though I had no map. Remembering back on what I had experienced there, it brings chills up and down my body like tiny little pins pricking, tantalizing my mind. Every now and then… when things hurt just a little too much, I oh so slowly let myself slip back to my beautiful Peru, where my life finally had come together like a jigsaw puzzle I couldn't figure out. My heart could rest there. I belong there. That is my home.

"One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday. Why live life from dream to dream, and dread the day when dreaming ends?"

-Moulin Rouge-

Looking out the window, all my life, I have always seen birds. It doesn't matter how many, sometimes it is only one, other times it is many. But I always see them, even when the sky is empty. Birds flying so gracefully, swooping down here and there, everywhere. Flying off onto the distant somewhere. Somewhere beautiful, a mysterious world, one I yearn to know. To visit, to experience. Just for one day, to know full and complete happiness, just for one day. Away from here…off in the clear blue sky. Away from this world…away from all this pain and suffering. One day I'll be just like those birds, I'll know where they are going and I'll know secrets about that other world, my beautiful world, secrets that no one could ever understand. But me. And I'll laugh to myself. One day I'll be just like those birds, and I'll just fly…fly away.

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